I'm feeling like I've run out of something important this morning. As though I've used up some component of self that I need.
Part of it, I'm sure, is physical. I am feeling betrayed by my body in a number of ways. I'm quite physically uncomfortable right now, and that never helps. I'm tired, but I've slept all I likely can.
There's more, though. I've been doing some thinking about spirituality lately, and come up with some things that I want to do. I'm in a mood to do some of them today. I may write about them later.
Time presses, however. I have a full day's worth of Work work to do today, and a full day of house work to do as well. I don't terribly want to do either. I want to spend the day with myself sorting things out, and spend some quality time with neeuqdrazil, because I think we need it. This would be how I would spend my day, had I my choice.
But I don't. Some of my current mood is, I realise, just my sullen, childish ego sulking against the constraints of my superego. In any case, there are parts of my personality that want to be indulged today, and they can't be. I want to spend the whole day having sex, sleeping and eating comfort foods. I want to spend the whole day being creative, making things, and working on spiritual things. I want to work on personal projects. I want to feel better.
I don't want to do 6-7 loads of laundry, take out recycling, go shopping, sweep the floors, etc.
I don't want to spend 8 hours writing code for work so that I can feverishly test them tomorrow morning before K. gets into work and I have to work on something else.
But all these things need to be done.
I knew that February and March were going to be hellish. This is the beginning.