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NaMiFiWriMoFo #3

I stumbled on a hole in the ground and fell to my knees. The earth smelled like ashes and old blood. The ash was a bad sign - it had been a while since anything combustible had grown around here, so ashes meant that I'd be cold tonight. On the upside, it meant I was a lot less likely to wake up on fire. At the end of the world, you have to take what you can get.

The Great Winter had come and gone. The Hungry Dead were by now just plain old dead. The seas stopped boiling before the stars went out, though the water still tasted like wormwood. I caught a glimpse of white out of the corner of my eye, ducking behind a heap of rubble. I ran up the pile of detritus and hopped over. The figure in ragged robes had dirty white wings and still carried a battered brass trumpet.

"You! Why are you still here? What's left? Didn't we have the Final Battle? Isn't it time to roll up the world and move on up?" I snarled.

The angel scowled and replied "Heaven looks just like this now. The Silver Towers are fallen and the Pearly Gates are rotted through. Those of us who made it out before the clouds burned are stuck down here with everyone else until we die off too."

I spat at the ground. "Wonderful." I paused, then said "Does that mean the Divine bastard is down here too?" I scratched at my forehead. "I'd really like to get this mark off my forehead."

The angel looked, ridiculously enough, sheepish. "Uh, JHVH died. He was eaten by a giant wolf, actually. The wolf was then swallowed by an enormous serpent, who then promptly choked to death on the wolf. "

"That seems... inconsistent with scripture."

"We knew that nutbar was building an Apocalypse Machine. It seemed as a good a way as any to let Judgment Day happen and move on with things. What we didn't expect is that it started *every* apocalypse. Ragnarök, Gotterdamerung, Judgment Day, and a few eschatological events I had to look up in the archives. Before the archives were eaten by a plague of locusts. Who caught fire. "

"Well, fuck."



( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 4th, 2009 02:03 pm (UTC)

Well this is definitely the funniest microfic you've written so far. I like it.
Nov. 4th, 2009 02:51 pm (UTC)
This is why I love you.
Nov. 4th, 2009 02:53 pm (UTC)
I think this is my favourite thus far.
Nov. 4th, 2009 04:22 pm (UTC)
This is total genius, right here.
Nov. 4th, 2009 09:26 pm (UTC)
This is fabulous! It left me wanting to read more. Also, it's tone reminds me somewhat of Good Omens.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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